and I miss..

God, I miss England. I really do.

lately the cold weather reminds me of England. I looked back at 2013 and probably it was my best year. sometimes I couldn't believe that I was there and couple months gone already after that time. it was like living in a dream. have no words to say about this, it's completely amazing.

I love England - let's say I've been in half part of England. It amazes me who came from developing country. I do fall in love with its daily life, its people -- especially you -- and all of its things! every second in England is precious itme. I miss Great Buckstepe Oast so much. I miss Hersmontceux. I miss London as well. too many places that I miss. but most of all, I miss everywhere that we've been together.

England is fascinating, and I'm pretty sure you really know about that. well, here I just wanna say a big thanks for taking me there. I think that I owe this thing since it's not a usual taking to taking someone to your home, crossed countries and coasts! thank you, thank you very much. you made me had a wonderful time there. thanks to Desak, Matt, Caroline, Max, Jak, Anne, Francis, Simon, Debby, James, and all of you that have welcomed me with terrific way. I think that these words aren't worth the experiences that I got. once again, thanks.

I'm still wishing that I could go to England again, someday. come around again just to feel the same way like couple months ago, or it could be better. of course, it should be with all of you. it probably will take many years to go or never... but let this dream just grows in my life.

oh by the way, I miss the autumn. I miss using boots and coats. no chance I could use them here *sighs*

hope you'll always have a great time. God bless. please send my best regard to all of your family. it's a pleasure to meet them! xx

sincerely,

yayi.

untuk mama..

di suatu titik tanpa gravitasi,

tanpa ikatan waktu

untuk: mama

hai mama, apa kabar?
lama kita tak saling bertukar kabar, ma. adakah kau khawatirkan aku di sini? jangan takut, ma. aku baik-baik saja. doakanlah aku agar selalu dalam lindunganNya. sama seperti aku yang memanggil namamu dalam doaku.

ma, aku tahu kau gelisah. kapan aku hendak pulang dan menghadiahkan toga untukmu? kapan kelak anakmu akan melihatmu menangis haru di tengah sorak sorai jiwa-jiwa muda yang bergembira? atau, kapan kiranya kau akan memakai kebaya, berdiri di sisiku dengan anggun, kemudian mencetak kenangan?

kutegaskan, ma, aku akan pulang. akan kuserahkan toga itu ketika berjumpa denganmu. akan kupeluk dirimu dengan senyum merekah. suatu hari nanti ma, aku berjanji, aku akan membuatmu tersenyum untukku.

batinku bertanya apakah kau mulai gelisah melihat para penjelajah yang telah kembali ke rumahnya. jangan khawatir, aku akan pulang. ingat ma, jalanku berbeda dengan jalan mereka. aku sedang mengelilingi angkasa! aku mencoba meraih bintang dan merengkuh bulan. sebuah ekspolrasi tanpa batas. pada saat yang tepat, akan kubawakan sang surya untukmu. ialah yang akan menceritakan bagaimana indahnya perjalananku. langitlah yang menjadi saksi bisu atas semua usahaku.

ma, aku tak menjanjikanmu angka sempurna. yang kujanjikan adalah secercah kebahagiaan, hanya untukmu. hadiah yang akan kau nikmati seumur hidupmu.

sudah waktunya untuk beranjak, ma. sampai jumpa dengan cerita berbeda.

salam,

gadis kecilmu.

what the weather says: well, blame me, human!

feeling bad about the weather lately? yes, I am. sun shines brightly in the day but when the night comes, it suddenly rains so heavy. it's kinda you have a very hot weather during the day and get wet in the night. weather is unstable for this time.

if I had to choose, i prefer sun to the rain. I know that sweaty looking isn't good but it's a luck we can go anywhere we want. but in the raining day (especially for me, a motorcycle user) it'll be a bad day when you get rain along the way. but however, every person has a different choice, does he?

anyway, I'm talking about the good and bad point of each weather. I think that every weather has both positive and negative things. maybe we'll grumble when it rains so heavy, but in some places outside, the farmers really need that rain to pour down their dry land. maybe that rain can be a fire extinguisher for a forest fire in other places. and when the day comes so hot, we'll be so easy to pissed out because of its temperature. but believe me, that can be an answer to the prayer of flood survivor, get the flood gone. it'll be a simple happiness for people whose clothes are washed and need to be dried in the sun.

well, maybe I didn't give you good examples but the point is, the weather isn't always wrong. probably it's our time to get the bad things of it. someday, we will get the good things too. you can spend your holiday in sunny days. or you just can sleep tighter because of the cool temperature. and there are still many good things to say, indeed.

I wrote this because I realized that I (and some of my friends too) grumbled about the weather. well, eventually, you can't blame the weather, can you?

slower than a snail

lately, I've been feeling that my life goes slow. I just feel that I didn't do something good for almost these four years. it's really a fault when I didn't have any plans about what to do in the next years. I've seen my friends already worked, went abroad, had a internship, and so on. me? I did nothing! all I did was staying in my comfort zone and never crossed the boundary. then I realize that I'm afraid of taking a risk. some people said if you don't move from your comfort zone, you'll get nothing. yeah, I guess they're right. now I'm still living with all the mess inside my head.

this sucks. seems like I count every chance that I passed, they're too many to let go. and then, I know that second chance probably isn't gonna come anyway.

I'm waiting for a miracle.